When Bullying Calls for Parental Action

When a bullying situation is serious enough to call for parental action, deciding how to proceed is a complex matter. As my most recent post discussed, figuring out what exactly should be done and anticipating the potential ramifications of any action is difficult.

The immediate goal of becoming involved is to put an end to the bullying once and for all. But this goal may be difficult, or even impossible, to achieve. Although speaking to a teacher, principal, or other school administrator can temporarily alleviate a dangerous situation, the bullying may well resume—though perhaps in a different form—at some later point.

So whatever action a parent takes should try not only to stop the bullying but also to make its resumption either unlikely or impossible. Ultimately the best way to achieve this end is to change the relationship between the bully and the victim. Sometimes either parents or the bullied child can speak with a trusted teacher, school counselor, or administrator who may be able to effect such a change without exacerbating the situation further.

Possible ways to accomplish this sort of change include meeting with both children together in a nonconfrontational way, either once or over a series of meetings; pairing up the bully and victim in supervised activities so that they have a chance to interact and get to know each other in a different way; and engineering situations that either in subtle or overt ways give the bullied child more power.

Avoiding a confrontation in which the bully is either publicly or privately punished or humiliated is important, because such action can make a bad situation even worse. At the same time, though, consequences of continuing to intimidate and endanger other students can be made clear to the bully.

My next post will discuss the possible short- and long-term effects of parental involvement in a bullying situation for the "rescued" child.