The Complexities of Bullying

One of the most difficult problems that can face school-age children is bullying. This social scourge occurs, to a greater or lesser degree, nearly everywhere, from struggling inner-city schools to elite private academies. In addition to the unhappiness and personal risks bullying engenders, it also puts parents who find out about it in a difficult situation. Should they become involved and say something to school officials (or even the offending child), or would letting the picked-upon student handle it alone be the best tack?

A case in point occurred not long ago at a top-rated public elementary school in Southern California—coincidentally one my own son attended in the early elementary grades. Details of the incident appeared on a television news report after the victim's mother pursued legal action. Although the specifics of this case at the Irvine Unified School District's Turtle Rock Elementary are disturbing and appear clear cut, piecing together exactly what has occurred in a bullying incident—or, more typically, series of incidents—is rarely easy. There are usually (though not always) at least two sides to the story, making a parent's decision about what to do extremely difficult.

If the child hasn't been hurt physically and doesn't appear to be in any real danger, the temptation will be to do nothing. Giving the child pointers on how to handle the situation him- or herself may be the easiest and least-risky strategy—and one that can actually work.

However, if the bullying continues over a long period of time or becomes a physical danger to the child, most parents will want to take action. The problem is, what exactly should they do, and what will the ramifications of their involvement be, both in the short and long terms?

In my next post, I'll discuss this subject further and offer some suggestions on how to handle a bullying situation when parental action is necessary.